Open Door Retreat

We are pleased to bring you an incredibly honest and revealing interview with Judith Hillard about her battle with cocaine addiction. Judith’s story sheds light on the fact that addiction knows no boundaries when it comes to race, class, education, or background.

Judith was the eldest child of a Protestant minister, a straight-A student, student body president of her high school, homecoming queen of a large university, and the girl everyone wanted their son to marry. The recipient of several advanced degrees, she taught English, public speaking, educational research, and leadership for many years. When she became a cocaine addict, she nearly lost it all.

Judith now runs a non profit organization called Addiction Overcome that exists to offer hope and resources to addicts. In this amazing interview, Judith speaks openly about her battle with cocaine addiction, how she managed to stop using for good, and the strategies she uses today to stay strong in her recovery.

When did you know it was time to get serious and quit… was there a certain event or realization?

To tell you the truth, the motivating factor came after my father had “suggested” I write my story for the past 12 years or so was a book my friend and board member gave me to read. It was called A Million Little Pieces by James Frey (you know, the guy who duped Oprah and therein sullied the reputation and good name of addicts everywhere).

I read it, though finishing it was a chore, and this rarely happens to a gal who cranks out at least a book a day — reading, not writing one, that is. I finally called Sheryl and asked her if ever she began to care about this guy. She answered quite truthfully that No, she never had. I was put off by his language, his profanity, his abuse of every rule of grammar and punctuation I was ever paid to teach, and his apparent asthmatic reaction to capital letters.

This guy was no e.e. cummings and therefore had not earned the right in my rather arrogant opinion to bastardize the English language and its parameters in a first and not very good first book at that. Lying in my bed that very last night of laboring through it, I said to myself, “I could do better than this in a first draft.”

I got up, tied a robe around my waste, and started writing. I finished the rough draft in two and a half weeks, and though it needed several read throughs and some corrections, and admittedly I had not set a very high bar for myself, I believe I was right about besting his paperback copy, then in its fourth printing or something insane like that because Oprah endorsed it and a huge publishing house accepted it.

What was the most difficult part of recovery?

Staying stopped. I stopped so many times, but then the thought would cross my mind that hey, I could pick it up again and control it rather than the other way around. It was like a fresh thought, one I’d never had before. Then I would buy a new load, never knowing if it was clean or not, too deeply cut to give one much of a charge through the hours ahead.

When the “fresh” craving hit for more cocaine, quantity and quickness were the motivators, not quality. If a dealer had said, give me until noon tomorrow and I’ll have some perfect product even a bit cheaper… I would have laughed in his face and told him to move it over to my place right then…. not even stopping for red lights.

You see, I wanted to return to life and family, friends and norm… so I would make plans and maybe even rough out a menu, guest list, etc…. but it never turned out as I hoped. I would have no stamps an no energy to procure any. I would decide no one would come anyway. I would forget how to plan a meal or cook it. In those moments, the ONLY thing that mattered was getting and readying and using more cocaine. No phone call, obligation, appointment, person, plan, lack of funds on hand, NOTHING counted for more than that baggie, or folded shiny magazine page of powder. I didn’t even care if I got shorted, so of course I did.

What was the biggest lesson learned during your recovery process?

Probably to humble myself enough to listen. I was well educated, employed, clever…. and most people I found fault with either immediately or fairly quickly when they let me down. And believe me, my expectations were not very high. I just didn’t give people much room for error. I was hardest on those I cared about the most as well. So learning to listen to those wiser, more grounded in recovery or spirituality or the craft and art of writing — those have been significant moments for me.

Which of the 12 steps really impacted your recovery the most?

Ironically, the one before any of the twelve…. the word ADMITTED. I couldn’t admit anything in the full throes of my addiction; so admitting that my life was unmanageable and that I was not in control was impossible. I couldn’t admit that my job was in danger, my health was thready at best, my apartment was filthy and not fit for the animals I kept there with me for companionship or comfort or out of habit, I’m not sure. I couldn’t even admit that I should go down to the basement and move the laundry out of the washer and into the dryer.

Later, I would say that step 12 could have been the one that made the biggest impact, but nobody wants a newish person to get involved in a twelve step call. I think that is a mistake. Because no matter how bad you are, there are people out there who are in worse shape by far. A sponsor or concerned person with time should have been taking me along to AIDS wards and dialysis centers and hospice houses to sit and talk with people who were literally days and hours from death because of this disease. That might have spoken to my self-centered, attitudinal self in a way no book or meeting or person still surviving could have.

What are your relapse triggers?

Well, I cleaned them so far from my life that I don’t accidently or on purpose stumble upon them anymore because I came to a place so low and so close to the bone, that I knew I didn’t any longer have a margin for error. A trigger might be enough to blow my head off. So I had a friend from church whom I trusted and asked her to help me clean the rest of the physical filth out of my home with me while my child was in school.

From old torn and stained t-shirts I thought would make good rags to syringes unopened to bottles of Ocean to the antique Raisinette tin I carried drugs and paraphernalia in, to pill crushers, to the legal syringe red box I had for my MS drugs, to bottles of hydrogen peroxide which is a great remover of blood stains, to any prescription bottle I did not immediately recognize as mine and necessary to my healthy life, to phone numbers in my cell or squirreled away somewhere.

We tossed it all in bags and my friend hauled them away without me knowing where she went. I also had to tell my drs (new ones) to always lock up their needles and syringes and saline bottles and sodium chloride bottles away in cabinets preferably never alone in the rooms where patients wait. And I had to tell the dentist the same thing, I’ve known him since I was in college, so that was hard. I don’t allow triggers in my mind or doors any longer.

How has your life changed now that you are sober?

I didn’t have a life when I wasn’t. I didn’t sleep or eat or go out or call anyone or write Christmas cards or remember why I love musicals and It’s A Wonderful Life and Christmas and children and new shoes. I love every detail of my life today. There is no comparison. It’s like comparing oranges to used cat litter.

What do you do now to prevent relapse?

I have a long and deep phone list of people I’ve known a long, long time and a few years and some I’ve just recently met. Depending on what is troubling me, I choose someone from the long or medium list and call one of them. If that person is not at home, I try another and so on until I find someone.

If I can find none of them and it calls for experience with either me or the disease, I’ll call one of my parents or my sister closest in age to me. I know I will hard truth from any of those people — or one of my dear friends who gets it and gets me and is not afraid to tell me the truth and give me an assignment or something to read or write if the situation calls for it (someone like Lauren for example).

I can be sort of intimidating to some, so I hone it to those I really trust and whose honesty doesn’t over-reach or offend me. If I am just feeling sorry for myself and in the blues, I call someone with no time or very little and ask about them. I become a sounding board for a person who is suffering far more than me in that moment and that always helps me get out of my own way and turn my twiddly problems into something selfless and hopefully meaningful for someone else.

I might even go to a book on addiction and read a chapter or two. That generally gets me into the groove of writing my own thoughts and reflecting on helping myself through the rough spots. Often it is the tiniest nuisances that cause the steamiest reactions from me; which is perhaps why my daughter tells me to chill out so often.

Tell me a little about your book!

I think I just did. The God shaped and sized hole we all carry in our souls can ONLY be filled by God. Anything that mimics Him or makes us feel like him for a few seconds trembles at the sight and sound and mystery around so much love for someone so flawed and imperfect who had so many gifts right from the start…. someone arrogant and selfish and always ready to feel different.

Now I love the way I feel, even if I’m exhausted. It’s honest exhaustion. I love my people more and everywhere I go, I talk to folks and my circle of “my” people grows exponentially. It’s funny, but when I tried so hard to look perfect and not make mistakes and have the most gorgeous man on my arm at parties and weddings, I was boring. I was plastic and about as conversant as a Barbie doll. Now that I stopped caring what people think of me in all situations, I am real and people find me approachable and therefore much more lovable.

Today, I am more lovable. I make mistakes and shrug them off. I tell my child when I’m wrong, which is often. My parents never told me they were wrong. And often they weren’t. But sometimes they were and would NEVER admit it to people who weren’t really people yet because we were just children. I think the littler they are when I meet them, the more important I’m supposed to be in their lives. For them I try extra hard to be me and to be real.

According to research on women’s addiction done by The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) at Columbia University, women get addicted to alcohol and drugs more as compared to men. Not only this, in comparatively less time they develop substance related diseases such as brain damage, cirrhosis, hypertension, lung cancer and other respiratory diseases.

Women who drink moderately or are heavy drinkers are more prone to breast cancer and adolescents girls who get into smoking also risk having breast cancer. For older women continuous alcohol drinking results in memory loss and deterioration of the mental condition as compared to older men. The risk of heart disease among women using oral contraceptives is also more. As per study 32 million women are into smoking cigarettes and about six million are into alcohol abuse.

Reasons Why Women Become Addicted Faster than Men

• Prime reason why women become addicted sooner then men is their body composition. Bodies of women contain more fat tissues and less water due to which the activity of ADH enzyme that plays a role in breaking down alcohol slows down. This slowing down of ADH enzyme action makes the effect of one drink as strong as two drinks for women.

• Also, it has been observed that women are more likely to get into drugs and alcohol addiction as they are the ones who get into depression more than men. A woman has to play many roles at home and has also has to prove herself at work. Home chores can be tiring and at times no appreciation makes her feel unwanted and depressed.

• Furthermore, since women use sedatives and other anti-anxiety drugs more than men, the probability of their becoming addicted is twice as compared to men.

• The likelihood of a woman been sexually abused in young age is more than men. Trauma is also one key reason why women get into drugs which becomes an addiction later. Other reasons of women resorting to substance abuse are unsuccessful relationships, miscarriage, death of a loved one, problems at work or home.

Women’s Addiction Recovery

Since women become dependent on drugs and alcohol even at lower levels of use, it soon takes the form of addiction. Regardless of the reason of women’s addiction, addiction recovery is critical for the addict to learn to live a healthy, happy and more fulfilling life. Women often avoid recovery programs due to the social stigma attached to it. But it is each woman’s responsibility to herself and her family to take action to happy, fulfilling life free of addiction.

A halfway house is a place where people are provided support and care to start life afresh by being part of the society as a whole. It is a place where drug-abusers, mentally ill people, or convicts, etc. are sent after they are released from a rehab center, hospital or a prison.

Unlike a halfway house, The Open Door drug and alcohol recovery center is a program packed, spiritual addiction recovery journey. The addiction recovery programs are designed to help women find joy and abundance in sobriety, not simply to provide a drug-free environment.

The Open Door Offers a 4-Week Spiritual Journey for Women

Women who come to the Open Door follow a disciplined routine of soul-seeking and relapse prevention programs that are designed to help them in addiction recovery such as:

• Personalized and group counseling sessions
• 12 Step Meetings
• Equine Therapy
• Meditation and Yoga classes
• Art Therapy and Creative Expression
• Dream Interpretation sessions
• Cultural Activities

If you or a special woman in your life needs to free themselves of drug or alcohol addiction, contact The Open Door. We offer a safe environment where women can discover themselves as they during their drug and alcohol recovery program. Through our holistic approach to alcohol and drug recovery, we help women to find a healthy and happy way of life.

Children whose parents - and especially their mothers - are drug or alcohol abusers have a very traumatic and disturbing childhood that affects them in an extremely negative way. They become emotionally weak and often do not learn healthy ways to handle problems. When the mother herself is not in a position to give her children the guidance they deserve - who will?

Children of Addicts Suffer Low Self Esteem

According to studies, a mother who abuses drugs or alcohol has a greater tendency to act violently with the children. The emotional and psychological damage is irreparable. Children feel emotionally insecure when the mother does not pay much attention on them, and they look outside the home for emotional support, love and affection.

Parent’s Addiction Impacts School Performance

There are chances that such children may not do well academically as they may not be able to concentrate well. According to various studies, approximately 20 million children are suffering from emotional, physical and verbal abuse from parents. Such children are unable to trust people easily and are forced by the family environment to become responsible at a very young age.

Is this the legacy you want to leave? Even if your children are grown, there is still time to try and mend the relationship.

ThehOpen Door is a women’s only recovery program that helps women find strength and joy in recovery. For more information, please call 888-404-7625 today.

Meth or Methamphetamine is a highly addictive drug that has long lasting affects and is extremely harmful to the central nervous system. The abuser of this drug can never even imagine what it can do to his or her life. This drug can make your life miserable and can ruin it forever.

The story of Amber Brown is shocking and depressing at the same time. She got into the habit of this drug through her friend as she wanted to lose weight quickly. That time she had little idea how this drug can prove extremely dangerous beyond she could ever imagine.

In the early days Brown used to feel on the top of the world and could do her household chores quickly. The craving for the drug was so strong that she used to be awake the whole night thinking where to get it from. Soon her husband separated from her and also took her children away. Brown was so crazy for the drug that she quit her job and actually got into selling the drug.

After 4 months she got involved with Jeremy Litz, and when she was pregnant she stopped taking meth. But soon she relapsed after her daughter was born as she wanted to lose weight. She became so ill and weighed less than 100 pounds with a 5-foot-11 inches height. Later after putting up with her for 2 years, Litz also left her and took the child.

Since Brown was not married to Litz, the state of Wyoming took custody of their daughter Mariahn in January 2006 when Litz’s mother reported about Brown’s drug abuse.

Later Brown got rid of meth on her own, without going to rehab. She could do it to regain custody of Mariahn. She also had to get a job to be self-sufficient and this took more than a year. Finally she got custody. According to Litz, Brown is not self-centered any more and has changed for the better; however her ex-husband still has not allowed her to meet her children. Brown is determined to get married to Litz with her two children by her side.

Meth Addiction Recovery for Women

Located outside of beautiful San Miguel de Allende in Mexico, The Open Door offers personalized Addiction Recovery Programs for Women where women can communicate and express themselves without any fear.

Our addiction recovery program helps women find purpose in their life after addiction and encourages them have a positive outlook. Various activities in which women take part are meditation, yoga, spiritual walks, cooking, counseling, concerts, writing and much more.

We show women how to improve their personal relationships and live a more balanced life by renewing interest in life. If you or a woman you care about needs help defining a healthy life in recovery, contact us immediately.

Do your goals for the New Year include strengthening recovery mindset or breaking your addiction from drugs, alcohol, or a relationship?

There is still time to register for our special 1-week New Years retreat to help you stregthen you addiction relapse prevention plan going into 2008.

Open Door relapse prevention programs are an ideal way to learn to live a happy and stress free life that is free of addiction. We help you remain determined by not letting your recovery efforts throughout the year go astray during the holiday season.

• Open Door Recovery center is a safe place where women can have a great holiday and yet stick to their addiction recovery goals.
• We understand women’s addiction recovery needs and suggest a personalized retreat depending on your individual emotional and recovery requirements.

• We help you in recovery through our counseling sessions, meditation, group meetings, daily journaling, yoga classes, cooking classes, spiritual walks and more.

• The experience of our one-week women’s addiction recovery retreats is truly amazing.

Our women’s recovery center is located in beautiful San Miguel de Allende Mexico. For registration, you can call 888-404-7625. For online registration of Open Door women’s addiction recovery retreats, please visit www.opendoorretreat.com/register.php.

One of our most popular addiction recovery programs at The Open Door is Equine Therapy.

Equine therapy is an animal-assisted psychotherapy that involves horses. Equine therapy programs are designed keeping the individual needs of each patient who is looking to get rid of drugs and alcohol abuse. In these programs, the patient is encouraged to develop a bond with the horse that offers great mental health benefits.

Women who are unable to take part in rigorous physical activity can take part in the less rigorous activities that they can do with ease. Women who engage in equine therapy programs emerge more confident and take interest in socializing. This unique therapy also helps patients to get rid of fears and have a better control over themselves. Since riding involves physical activity the patients also become physically fit.

Our women’s drug and alcohol recovery programs, teaches women how to be positive towards life and learn to explore its numerous possibilities and opportunities. Woman learn to live life with a fresh new perspective where they take more interest in life, work towards improving family relationships, and feel that life has a purpose.

An article on About.com reported that women who drink to excess experience more brain damage and sooner than males who drink the same amount. The findings were based on two different studies.

These findings are the first to show gender differences in the effect alcohol has on brain “shrinkage” that is common in all long-time heavy drinkers or alcoholics.

Researchers found that while male alcoholics showed signs of brain “shrinkage” compared with healthy men, the difference between alcoholic and healthy women was much greater, indicating the killing of brain cells.

Smaller Brain Volume

Alcoholic women showed an 11 percent smaller brain volume than healthy women. The study reported that such a difference would be unlikely to make a significant change in mental capacity and none of the study participants, with an average age of 40, showed signs of mental deficits.

Because brain shrinkage is a natural occurrence with age, these early decreases seen in alcoholics may make them more susceptible to dementia as they grow older.

Even Young Women Are at Risk

The results of another study are just as troubling for women that abuse alcohol because they suggest that even young and physically fit women risk damaging their brains through chronic, heavy use of alcohol.

Basically, the study found that compared with non alcoholics, the young women with alcohol dependence appeared to use their brains less. In some cases, they used a completely different (and less effective) part of their brains to complete a task than non-drinkers.

Getting Help

There are gender differences between men and women - on all levels. I don’t know anybody who disputes that fact at this point. That is exactly why it is important to treat alcohol addiction in women differently than their male counterparts. By choosing a facility dedicated to the recovery of women, you increase the probability of success. Women process information differently, deal with their emotions differently, and hence recover differently.

According to an article on About.com, women who abuse alcohol, or even occasionally drink to excess, face greater risks to their health than men.

It has been noted that women get drunk faster than men, even taking into account the difference in body weight. But there is also evidence that they become addicted faster than men and suffer the consequences of abuse-related illnesses sooner than their male counterparts.

The effects of alcohol on the liver are more severe for women than for men. Women develop alcoholic liver disease and hepatitis, after a shorter period of time than men. Proportionately more alcoholic women die from cirrhosis than do alcoholic men.

Other Alcohol Related Health Problems for Women

In the “late stages” of alcoholism in women, they also develop hypertension, anemia, and malnutrition much quicker than alcoholic men, according to the Centers for Disease Control.

A study by the Journal of the American Medical Association, showed that a woman’s risk of breast cancer rises with the amount of alcohol regularly consumed. Drinking moderately or not at all can reduce the chance of getting breast cancer.

The study showed that women who drink two to five alcoholic drinks each day, were 41 percent more likely to develop breast cancer than nondrinkers. Excessive alcohol consumption also increases the risk of several digestive-tract cancers.

According to the article, these health risks are even greater for older women. Women are more likely than men to start drinking heavily later in life, and many times their alcohol abuse goes undiagnosed.

Reproductive Problems Associated with Alcohol

Menstrual disorders have also been associated with chronic heavy drinking, which can lead to fertility problems. If a woman does get pregnant and continues to drink, it is not only her health that can be affected.

The alcohol in the blood is carried into the baby’s bloodstream. Because the baby is still developing, consuming alcohol can lead to a miscarriage. It can also lead to Fetal Alcohol Syndrome or birth defects.

In fact, the dangers of drinking while pregnant are so great that the March of Dimes recommends that women stop drinking before even trying to become pregnant.

At The Open Door Women’s Relapse Prevention Center we understand that the addiction recovery is different for men and women. Our 4 week sober living programs are designed specifically for women. If you or someone you know needs help, contact us today at (888) 404-7625.

A study by Judith Grant about women and alcohol addiction reveals that low self esteem is one of the driving factors behind why women become addicted to alcohol.

The participants began using drugs or alcohol in their teens or early 20s to mask the pain of family violence and incest, according to Grant, who added that all also reported having a family member who was an addict. These experiences produced crippling low self-esteem, a theme particular to these women’s stories.

We at the Open Door have long had the belief that low self esteem is a driving factor in addiction. Even when women wean themselves from drugs and alcohol physically, if they do not learn to develop a health self esteem, the drug and alcohol relapse is incredibly high.

It is for this reason that many of the programs and activities at the Open Door are designed to help women build their self esteem. Some of our self esteem building activities include:

• Dream interpretation
• Enneagrams
• Day trips to spiritual settings
• Benedictine Monestary
• Thermal swimming pool
• Equine therapy
• Art therapy

The Role of Self Esteem in Women’s Alcohol and Drug Recovery

Addiction to drugs and alcohol is a form of self inflicted abuse. When a women develops a healthy sense of self worth, she refuses to accept abuse any longer. Addiction recovery at this deep level far surpasses the physical recovery from drugs and alcohol and can lead to long lasting recovery and a joyful life in sobriety.